Sat, 23 Dec 2023 21:49:56 -0800WeeblyMon, 01 Jan 2018 07:42:18 GMThttp://blog.interpersonalhealing.com/blog/finding-hope-on-a-dark-nightFinding Hope on a Dark Night
By: Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.
     When the world seems like it is crumbling down all around you, there appears to be no light in sight.  When we are in a dark cave, we can barely see what steps to next take.  Yet somehow, with continued patience and resilience, a spark appears from within the cave to shine light on the path of gems that was there all along.  What is this spark?  How can we find it in a dark night?
     Opening up our perspective sparks much light.  When we are lost and cannot find our way, it is our perspective that lays a path for how we move forward.  With faith and trust in the spark of light within the core of our being, we might not feel as though we are wondering lost.   Author, J.R. Tolkien once stated that, “Not all who wander are lost.”  We may wonder away from ourselves for a time, but we are never lost.  With a shift in our perspective, a spark of light can appear out of nowhere.
     Widening our perspective generates the most light.  When we begin to look into our lives from a larger, expanded viewpoint, we can see the bigger picture and understand how so many others are also in a dark night and are looking for a spark.  We inspire each other and spark light in a dance of balance and harmony with all life around us.  We can guide ourselves and each other away from total darkness.
     Hope lights us up with inspiration and passion.  When we consider the people we love, the beauty of the planet, and other forms of inspiration, we can uplift ourselves, if only for a brief time.  There is a difference between distracting ourselves from our darkness and completely covering up our pain.  Take some time away from the dark, if you can, to focus on gratitude.  Conversely, widen your perspective and take moments to notice the dark night and what it might be teaching you.  Learn to tolerate the difficult times with the help of light.
     Everything is always temporary and will inevitably end – even the darkest night, even the most joyful experience.  We are constantly shifting and moving with the tides of light and dark in our lives.  The lighter the light shines out, the darker the shadow of darkness.  Yet, how can we appreciate the light without the darkness?  We are constantly moving in and out of positive and negative.  We need balance and harmony between each to spark a light in the night.
     Author Elie Wiesel stated, “Just as a man cannot live without dreams, he cannot live without hope.  If dreams reflect the past, hope summons the future.”  Without hope, we cannot renew and since the Universe is in constant renewal, we need renewal to begin again.  Start now by nurturing the hope you feel about yourself and others, about humanity, about the world, and the possibilities for the future.  Name the change you wish to see in the world and live it.
     Meet with others who spark a light within, do something that inspires you, allow yourself to feel good emotions when they come and watch them pass.   Tend to your spark within and keep it lit for others to light from as needed.  Maybe you offer a smile to another, hold the door for someone or offer aid to a person in need. 
     This light is ultimately love and it lives in the present moment.  Stay in the present moment.   Remember the bigger context of people’s behaviors and reactions and keep offering love and compassion for yourselves and each other.  Stay patient as things may not change overnight, but your whole world changes when your perspective does.  Spark your light with love and let your love light shine through the dark night!   
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]]>Wed, 01 Nov 2017 05:34:06 GMThttp://blog.interpersonalhealing.com/blog/a-self-to-loveA Self To Love
By Dr. Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

     We are connected to a magnificent energy that can uplift us and transcend darkness.  This energy is love.  We are conditioned to believe that we are unworthy of love in this world when the truth is that we are the main ingredient to the creation of love.  In every moment, we have the power to generate love. 
     We are told that if we look at our light or give ourselves love, we are selfish.  If we boast of our talents, we are arrogant.  In truth, we must acknowledge our strengths, as well as our weaknesses so we can be aware of ourselves and continue to grow in love.  How easily we can forget what is true for every single human being alive.  We all have within us a want for love, we all carry an essence of life that can open hearts, and we all look for connection in love.
     The illusion of separation from each other and ourselves keeps us pining and looking outside of ourselves for something more.  In actuality, there is no separation.  We are as connected to each other as we are unique.  An openness to all of our differences, as well as similarities can guide us to connection.  Love is not outside of ourselves.  Love is within.  The only way to heal this division is to build bridges, not walls.  Start within yourself.  If there are walls within you, work to bridge them together with love.  One bridge at a time, we link ourselves and each other back together.  Love is the glue that holds everything together. 
     Don’t give all of your love away to others without acknowledging yourself and offering this energy within.  It is from within ourselves that love is created and can continue to expand.  If we hate on ourselves or even bicker and criticize about ourselves, we are not bridging with love.  If we truly are all equal as human beings, no one is an exception, including yourself.  Love radiates, love is attractive, love opens doors and clears paths.  Love always stands out in a crowded room and is a shoulder to lean on when feeling low. 
     Why then does it seem so hard to love ourselves?   Self-love has been associated so much so to being selfish and narcissistic that many shy away and even feel straight up guilty for doing anything good or beneficial for themselves.  Giving ourselves love for many feels uncomfortable and foreign so we avoid this and look outsides of ourselves for love from others.  When this does not come, we again shame and criticize ourselves.  This is a never-ending conditioned pattern! 
     When we give ourselves love, there is a beautiful self inside of ourselves to love and this love brings more connection.  Once we acknowledge the light within ourselves, we can notice it more often.  Hate only spreads more hate and is really about protection of ourselves.  With love, there is connection and protection.  Love has no boundaries and no conditions. 
     We all deserve love, so why are we not giving it more readily to ourselves?  What we say to ourselves, we are subtly spreading into the world.  Spread love, not hate; spread connection, not separation.  Slow yourself down, understand this inner truth and start within yourself to listen to any kind of hate or non-supportive dialogue. 
     Once you notice any thoughts not in service of love, tell yourself “Stop” and try to say what you would to a loved one.  Give yourself a compliment, fulfill an inner request, or name to yourself one or two of your strengths.  How does it feel?  Foreign, awkward, selfish, or narcissistic?  Check and challenge any of these old thoughts and remember what is really true.  Love is healing and if we all deserve it, you are no different.  To tell yourself you are different and that you don’t deserve love is unjust.
     If you don’t like the thoughts you notice, work to change them, believe that you can change them with practice.  Nothing can change until you own what you want to change and be the change you want to see.  Set your intent to gain trust and respect of yourself and re-build the bridges of love that have been swept away by self-judgment and the judgment of others in our lives.  We must continue to connect and see the value of others in our existence and remember that the connection between us all unites us into one while each person’s distinctiveness offers color and texture into the beauty of our world.
]]>Thu, 31 Aug 2017 22:18:43 GMThttp://blog.interpersonalhealing.com/blog/cognitive-tips-for-coping-with-the-winter-bluesCognitive Tips for Coping with the Winter Blues
By Dr. Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.
 
     Many of us struggle with the change in seasons and having less daylight in the day.  Whether you have a diagnosis of Seasonal Affective Disorder or just notice a shift in your mood around October or November, having awareness and taking preemptive steps can offer much respite as winter comes upon us.  Using lights, exercise, therapy, vitamins, and also having more social interactions is key, yet how we think about the winter months plays a major part in how we may experience it.

     For those who have a history of depressive symptoms in the winter, there can be a feeling of dread and a large amount of negative thoughts as this season gets closer.   As a result, anticipatory thoughts can arise such as, “Winter is coming and I know I will feel low energy” or “Oh no, its winter, I’ll be so depressed.”  It’s easy for these thoughts to be there, especially if that’s been your experience.  As a cognitive behavioral psychologist, I believe that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all interconnected.  Therefore, our thoughts will affect how we feel.  These anticipatory thoughts can lead to anxiety, frustration, and sadness.

     Try to consider more realistic thoughts such as, “I am working on this and staying more present and aware this season to help me manage this” or “When I take precautions and work compassionately with myself around this, I can get through it much more effectively.”  This is easier said than done, I know, but it can be helpful and these thoughts are true if you are working on yourself and trying.

     It’s easy to get frustrated with ourselves for not having the same energy level in the fall/winter as in the summer months.  As daylight decreases, many of us begin to hibernate more and don’t get out as much.  Push yourself lightly with love and compassion for what works.  Slow down and listen to what you are thinking.  Notice your thoughts, but don’t attach to them.  Challenge thoughts and don’t believe everything you think.  Take control of what you can in the situation and start taking precautions now.  Create positive, loving self-dialogue to encourage yourself and stay optimistic about how your winter will go.  Watch any future or past thinking related to your past experiences and expectations.  Stay in the moment and trust that your compassion, self-care, and preparation will make a difference.

]]>Sat, 01 Jul 2017 05:21:58 GMThttp://blog.interpersonalhealing.com/blog/living-with-intention-setting-goals-and-taking-actionLiving With Intention, Setting Goals and Taking Action
By Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

     Are you living with intention in your life?  You may set goals, but what is your intention behind them?  What exactly is the difference?  Intentions are broader and encapsulate our deepest wants.  They are more deep-seeded in our energy, emotions, and even in our body.  Our goals tend to be more specific and are intellectual and thought-focused.  They are what we think we need to reach our intentions.   
     We must utilize both our goals and our intentions to aid us in manifesting what we want.  Here is an example from my own life.  I always knew I wanted to open a clinic someday.  My intent was to bring therapists together and offer compassionate care for my community with a focus on interpersonal relating with mindfulness.  The feeling I have when I think of my clinic is pure happiness and excitement to provide a place that is safe and happy for all who come to The IHC. 
     My goal was to open the clinic, yet my intent was to create more love and mental health support in my community.  I never focused much on my goal, more on my intent and the excitement I had for it.  When I focused there, I felt happiness and excitement, even though I had not yet reached my goal.  The feelings from my intent allowed for me to have the courage to start my clinic in the first place.
     Here are a few more examples of a goal and the intent that might be behind it:

Goal                                        Intent
Lose Weight                      To feel lighter and healthier
Get a new job                    To feel part of a team at work
Get a new outdoor pool      To have friends connecting with each other
Clean out garage               To feel more organized and find things easily

     Any time I have focused on my intent, my goal is much more easily manifested.  This is related to the law of attraction in that like energy attracts like energy.  That’s how the universe functions.  We don’t attract energies that we don’t have inside of ourselves.  We can’t focus all the time on weight loss, we must focus instead on the feeling we feel when we feel lighter. 
     Take a moment to consider your goals for the next 6 months.  What do you truly want to change in your life by accomplishing this goal?  Focus on your intent and imagine that is happening in this very moment.  If you feel the change happening within you, you have already succeeded in reaching your goal.
     When you stay focused on your intention, you must be open to staying flexible with your goals.  They may manifest in a way that you didn’t expect.  I had a goal to have a biological child of my own.  My intent was to have a family, feel connected to others and be a mother.  My goal didn’t manifest with a biological child, but my intent did as I have a beautiful family with my parents living close by, wonderful friends, Godchildren, great in-laws and supportive sisters (even though I am an only child).  My current family is way more amazing than I could have imagined.  I am a mother to many, as well as to myself.
     My point is that when we live a life more full of intentions, we are in a better place.  As I cultivate the energy of my intention that I want to feel in my body naturally in every moment, I grow!  Edgar Cayce said, “We don’t go to heaven, we grow to heaven.”  How are you growing your intentions for your life so you can feel more beauty and peace now?
     One of the most essential ingredients for meeting our intent/goal is taking action.  We need to take steps to reach our goals.  The clinic didn’t just land in my lap.  I worked at it over time and continued to create the energy behind my intent.  With the accumulation of many small steps, I walked several miles.  In fact, I still work to build this energy and set intent for a beautiful space that is full of safety, compassion, and love for everyone here at The IHC.  Anything that you want in this life is yours for the taking.  Give yourself permission to identify it, feel it, love it, see it, do it, and be it.

]]>Sat, 31 Dec 2016 19:48:12 GMThttp://blog.interpersonalhealing.com/blog/bridging-the-divide-healing-the-self-healing-americaBridging The Divide: Healing the self; healing America
By Dr. Lisa M. Templeton, Ph.D.

     I have thought deeply about the best way to approach a discussion on bridging the divide in our America.  Given the political and social events occurring in the past several months, there is definitely a rift, but is there really a divide?   In making sense of all this myself, I look to my own mind, where everything all begins and shapes my own perception.   Gandhi said that we must “be the change that we want to see in the world” but what exactly does that even mean?  What do we want to see in the world?  My guess is that we all would like to see more peace in the world and for there to be love and joy in our hearts and safety in our minds. 

Perception of separation
     Having been a psychologist for many years, I am honored to have been trusted into the minds of many brave individuals sharing their stories, facing deeper aspects of themselves and asking for help.  Throughout my exploration of minds, I find that most minds are similar to each other and to my own in that each mind generally creates an “other” or a separation of sorts.   As long as there is a perception of difference, of a separation or other, we will be in division with ourselves, which ultimately reflects division in the world around us.  We need more trust and compassion of varying perspectives so we can see that this perception of separation is not true.  What is really happening is that we want to believe that all bad exists outside of ourselves, when in fact, a dark shadow exists inside us all.

The Light and The Dark Within 
     Each of us has a dark aspect to ourselves.  Sometimes it manifests as an inner bully criticizing or pushing harshly for motivation.  Other times, this dark aspect could manifest as obsessive thoughts, negativity, greed or addiction or a need for control.  The bully might be a total dominator of your mind or just a tiny gnat that comes in suddenly and is bothersome.  There are varying degrees of darkness in us all.  It all depends on what you feed your soul with – love or hate/fear.
     No one is without dark, but conversely no one exists without light.  We are all made of light and we would not be who we are without both dark and light aspects of ourselves.  In fact, we would not even know light if not for our darkness at times.  How would we know joy if there wasn’t sadness?  Some people are showing more of their dark at times, but that can change in an instant with love.  We have got to have faith in each other and knowledge of our power to tame our darkness, not project it out onto others.  Trust with caution, not abandon.  Love is the force that shines out the hate, bigotry and inequality.

Own Your Dark Side and Have Compassion
     It is difficult for us to admit we have any dark within, but when we own it, we can find much compassion for ourselves.  When we find compassion for ourselves, we can discover it for a variety of people who are vastly different than us and might have views that we just don’t understand the context of which they are formed.  We must find a way to agree to disagree.  We are all raised in this society that continues to perpetuate dividing lines, but we don’t have to buy into this division and thought process that the other side is bad.  Both sides have equal light!  When we reach across the lines, we celebrate the unique light and dark of us all.  If we pretend that the dark is really not inside of us, but only in others separated from ourselves, we will continue to be divided.
     I’ve heard people say that we need to fight or battle against the other side.  Yet peace is not created in conflict.  The only way to build a bridge is with love.  In fact, the bridge is already built and love just changes our perception to see it.  Love prevails every time.  It is what we all want, no matter what “side” you are on.  As humans, we all want love, to be understood, to feel comradery with others.  Still, it is difficult to love someone who spreads hate, or to give love to a person who does not seem to understand the importance of our mother earth and our ethnic, sexual, and gender differences.  Conversely, it can be hard to extend love to those who don’t seem to be speaking for the unborn babies or value the right to bear arms.  For this bridge, we need incredible compassion for each other.

Creating Compassion
      Every single one of us was once a child, vulnerable and unaware of how to think, how to cope and how to live in the world.  We look to our parents for help, just as our parents did to their parents and so on.  If our parents tell us that there are some people in our country who don’t deserve love, we learn this and take it in to our beliefs.  If our parents tell us that it is wrong to judge others based on their skin color or gender, we take it on as our own thought.   We don’t just learn from our parents, we learn from our society, media sources, and various cultures.
     Much of what we all believe is what we have been told to believe, even if there are contradictions.  People have a tendency to put aside contradictions that don’t match their already in place beliefs.  Humans have a much easier time believing something than unbelieving it.  There are some of us who have the privilege and ability to question these beliefs and seek out more clarity through education and other connections.  In doing so, we learn and understand more of what people of all differences are going through and their experiences in living with their own difference.  With more understanding comes more compassion.
     What if you looked at the person on the other side of the divide and saw their inner small child who doesn’t know any different?  This child who was raised to believe things that are, at times, in contrast to love.  For some reason, for most of us, it is easier to not judge a child and to see his/her need for love and understanding.  We really all have a child within us that is screaming for love and compassion.  A child that is craving attention, affection and acknowledgement.  Find compassion for each person and give them what you want to be given to you.

Start Within
     We must begin with ourselves.  Can you have compassion for the irrational, anxious, impatient, resistant, shy, boisterous child within you?  Is the dialogue in your mind one that you would feel comfortable speaking to a child?  If not, there may be some aspect of a divide within you.  If so, how is this affecting you and those living around you?  How is your dark extinguishing your light?  It hurts to be spoken to disrespectfully or with condescension.   Consider how your dark side is affecting you and empower yourself to change it so your light can shine brighter.
     The next time you notice your inner bully come up, meet it with understanding.  The next time you feel resistance, feel it without reacting.  Bring more compassion to yourself and the difficult aspects within others.  Speak gently to yourself and everyone you meet.  Notice your tone of voice within and outwardly.  Own it and know you have the power to change whatever you don’t find peaceful.  As you cultivate peace within, you cultivate peace all around you.  What would happen if we all did this?  The bridge would be much more visible.
     Giving yourself love and compassion will not take away your motivation or make you soft.  It will only uplift you and aid you in uplifting others, regardless of their beliefs and differences.  Perhaps if we did this, we might be able to see each side with more objectivity, vulnerability, clarity and understanding.  Don’t we all want a more peaceful world?  Don’t we all want more love in our lives?  Yes we do, we all just have a different understanding of what love is.  Some see love as money or things such as boats, nice homes, guns, purses, etc.  Others see love as exercise or hiking outdoors in pristine nature.  We all have choices and the freedom to be who we want and love what we want.  Let’s all stand up for each other in freedom, love and equality.
     Identify aspects of light within yourself.  Cherish and honor this light.  Look for this light in all others, no matter race, ethnicity, political party, choice for president, gender, sexual orientation or general personality.  Practice this because it doesn’t come easily to see the light in all, but once you are on the path of doing so, it is laid out for you with love.  We may not understand the other side’s views, in fact, they may seem totally irrational, but we can look to the child within and find some compassion for their mindset. 
     Consider all the ways we all have been conditioned and the context of various families and cultures in the United States.  That person you are judging was once a child told what to believe.  They are as innocent as you are.  In fact, they are you, just in a totally different story working to balance their own dark and light.  We are all one – one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. 

]]>Wed, 31 Aug 2016 05:52:11 GMThttp://blog.interpersonalhealing.com/blog/how-to-be-present-on-the-go-a-guide-for-parentsHow To Be Present On The Go: 
A guide for parents to incorporate mindfulness and positive self-care into their busy lives
By Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.
 
 
     For parents, there doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day.  From the morning making breakfast, putting together lunches, getting ready and getting to work, then working all day;  then back home, making dinner, cleaning up, checking homework, getting kids to bed, putting toys away - the day floats away.  With all this going on daily, when can one possibly make time for themselves?  Where does the time go?  There seems to be more “things to do” in a day that there are hours for.
     Many parents dream of slowing down, taking some time off and getting a vacation; somewhere tropical perhaps?  Your inner voice might say, “Just another 8 weeks until my vacation and then I can finally slow down.”  Yet, by the time you get to the vacation, it takes a week or more to finally recover from all the going, only to get back home and hit the ground running again. 
     Some try to take down time and then feel guilty about it thinking, “I am not spending enough time with my kids” or “I should be doing something with my family.”  These particular thoughts are falsehoods and can function to keep us in a state of constant motion without ever experiencing the stillness of ourselves, our lives and our experience.  When we give of ourselves too often, we can find that we have nothing left to give unless we replenish our spirits.  We can’t be much help to others if we are not helping ourselves first.
     We are not human doings; we are human beings.  We all need time to slow down every day – to teach our brain how to slow down.   This down time is not going to be given to us – we must take it and remember that we deserve it.  When we intentionally try to slow down, we can start to experience ourselves, even in the midst of doing.  We need to be present and in the moment, grateful for our surroundings, while staying kind and loving toward ourselves. 
     We can’t get caught up in “I’m supposed to…” at the expense of ourselves.   Eleanor Brown stated, “Rest and self-care are so important.  When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”   When you take time for yourself, you can fill yourself up and it gives you more to give to your children, your husband and other loved ones.  We need to care for ourselves just as we care for our children.  What a great model we can be to teach our children self-love, kindness, boundaries and balance. 
Here are some suggestions to aid you in slowing down and increasing your self-care:

1. Make a plan to slow down and meditate each day – take 5 minutes to focus on one stimulus, either inside or outside of yourself (i.e., your breath, the clock ticking) and continue working to stay there – moving back to your object of focus when you get distracted, and you will get distracted.  Consider what the best time of day might be for you to do this.  You may have to experiment to see what works best with your schedule.  Start with just 5 minutes.  Be sure to breathe deep.
2. Let your loved ones know of your plan for self-care and ask that they respect that time you are taking for yourself.
3. Take deep breaths often throughout the day to help ground yourself and slow down, even for a brief couple of minutes.  You can take a quick sabbatical a few times a day to replenish yourself.
4. Identify what makes you happy – do what you love!  Take 15-30 minutes to partake in something you really enjoy every day.  It doesn’t take up that much time to rejuvenate ourselves.  Also, surround yourself with what you think is beautiful.  Try to notice beautiful things throughout the day.  If you can’t get to those happy, beautiful things - imagine them.  Take 5 minutes to go to a beautiful place in your head and breathe easy and slow.  If you notice judgment while doing this – thoughts such as, “I’m a terrible mom for taking time for myself” or “my mind is moving around too much” – gently shift yourself back and remind yourself that you are only replenishing yourself and modeling that behavior for them.
5. Practice presence – feel your body, your senses, and notice what it feels like.  The moment you realize that you are not present is when you are back!  Shift yourself back to the moment as often as you can.  This will take practice – the more you practice, the easier this becomes.  When you find you are not in the present moment, gently bring yourself back without any judgment.
6. Try being in the moment and breathing while doing general household tasks or other work – check in with yourself and be a friend to yourself. Notice what it feels like for you to unload the dishwasher or to play with your kids.  They are so present and in the moment (especially when young) – draw from their experience and learn from them.
7. Be grateful everyday for the blessings in your life.  Review the things you are grateful for with an open heart.
8. Communicate your needs to your spouse/family – if you need help, please ask for it.  We are not meant to do everything on our own – ask for help in caring for yourself.  Get a sitter if needed, ask friends to watch the kids for an hour.  Taking some down time is not selfish.  Set a boundary when needed – this can be done in a loving way – just identify what you need and share it with others.

     To be present with yourself is to promote healing and positive energy to all those around you.  Give yourself the gift of presence – focus on you for a time and find how you can really enhance your life and your relationships.  Be with whatever you notice and unveil a garden of beauty within yourself.  The next time you catch yourself moving too fast - breathe and practice slowing down.  We can only slow down with practice and patience.  Be with your thoughts, your body, your mind and your spirit. 
     Feel and experience your world and your senses more fully by opening up to the power of the present moment and the excitement of all life.  We are free to choose in every moment.  Fill yourself up – as only you can meet this need for yourself – no one else can.  Be a friend to yourself and feel that self-love pour out to all those around you.

]]>Thu, 04 Aug 2016 18:40:05 GMThttp://blog.interpersonalhealing.com/blog/participate-in-a-collective-meditation-aug-7th-10ammstJoin us on Sunday August 7th at 10am-10:10am MST wherever you may be and feel the energy of many people who care about themselves and the world!

Work on slowing your mind down and nurturing yourself with meditation.  For 10 minutes at our specific time, we will all breathe deep and slow down, away from our technology and other distractions.  Just be with yourself and breathe.  Notice whatever comes up without judgement.  If thoughts arise about the future, remind yourself that everything can wait for 10 minutes.

Take deep breaths and notice whatever comes up.  Whatever you feel, that is perfect - don't judge it!  Whatever you notice during the meditation is ok.  There is no right or wrong way to meditate.  If you attempt it, you have succeeded.  Remember, we are all with you during this time.  Feel the energy of us all working to care for ourselves and the world...

Meditating together at the same time will bring about the energy of many loving and caring individuals who want to create more compassion, love and peace in the world.

Namaste!  The love and light in myself honors the love and light in you...

]]>Sun, 01 May 2016 05:33:05 GMThttp://blog.interpersonalhealing.com/blog/tending-to-your-mind-gardenTending To Your Mind Garden
By Lisa M. Templeton, Ph.D.
 
     Have you ever listened to your own thoughts?  I mean really listened?  Our minds move a mile a minute; some say each of us can have up to 5,000 thoughts in a day!  Thus, it’s an understatement to say how difficult it can be to hone in on what we are actually thinking from moment to moment.  It’s not easy to weed through thousands of thoughts, especially in times of stress and change; however, in the long run, being aware of our thoughts can have a miraculous affect on our lives.
     When going through a divorce, depression, trauma, loss or grief, a lot of self-blame, self-doubt and negative self-esteem can arise.  Negative thoughts about our self, about others, and about our situation can be debilitating overtime.  Our thinking process has a tendency to work in patterns and there are thousands of automatic thoughts that we think so often, we don’t even notice them anymore.  All that we are aware of is the negative feeling that comes as a result.  Our thoughts can change dramatically without much awareness of that change, especially when we are coping with a stressor in life. 
     When it really comes down to things that we can and cannot control in our lives, the only thing we can truly control is our thoughts.  This may be a tough concept to swallow because of the sheer amount of thoughts and intensity of feelings associated.  Our thoughts may seem out of control and untamed.   Still, with practice stepping back and staying objective about what we are hearing, we can begin to understand them.  
     We take so much time to consider how the kids are doing, how our loved ones are doing, and what others may think about us, we forget to consider ourselves, our own thoughts and how they contribute to our feelings and our actions.  We need to pay attention to our inner world in order to be mindful of what we are thinking and believing about life.
     When focusing on our inner world, I like to consider the metaphor of the mind garden.  Consider how one tends to a garden by consistent, daily checking of the plants, watering them and pulling out the weeds that suck the nutrients out of the soil.  In our own minds, the negative thoughts function as weeds, sucking all the love and nutrients out of our lives.  When our garden is overgrown because we haven’t tended to it in a while (or we are just avoiding the work), things become overwhelming and we don’t even know where to begin in taming the garden.  In fact, we might not even be able to identify which plants are weeds and which plants are flowers/vegetables that we want to grow in our lives.
     If your mind garden seems overwhelming and it’s tough to notice your thoughts, consider just slowing down and listening for a while.  Get curious about what your mind saying, particularly about yourself.  Are the thoughts really true?  What makes the thought true? 
     We must be diligent in not identifying with every thought that we think.  We are not our thoughts.  Steven Levine once said, “The same energy that moves thoughts through the mind moves the stars across the sky.”  With this in mind, we can come to understand that not all thoughts are true for us.  Yet, we are creatures of habit and pattern, so only if we start to identify the pattern of our thoughts can we change them.  We cannot let go or change something that we have not owned.  Own your thoughts and realize that they are just thoughts – not who you are.
     This identification of negative thoughts about ourselves can be difficult to change, especially if we have been told this thought as a child and we have believed it for a long time.  Still, we are only human.  Consider this…would you say that same thought to someone you love, your child perhaps?  If not, then why say it to yourself?  Once you’ve recognized that it’s not a useful thought, it’s actually a weed, then it’s time to get rid of it.  Give your mind space to grow something with love and joy.
     Ever notice when gardening how those pesky weeds keep growing back, and at an accelerating rate?  This works the same way with the mind garden.  We must tend to our mind garden consistently and stay diligent in identifying ineffective thoughts that are stifling the beauty in your garden.  A useful practice is to not just pluck the negative thought and toss it on the grass, but to pull the weed and then replace it with something you want to grow, a seed of a positive, realistic thought about yourself.  Reframe your thoughts.  For instance, if you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not a good person” or “I’m no good,” modify into, “I’m doing the best that I know how” or “I am good, I care about others and myself.” 
     When we work out in the garden, I find there is a lot of ritual in those behaviors.  We pull out our gardening tools; we put on our gloves, knee pads and our old gardening clothes.  When weeding out the mind garden, it also helps to ritualize our behaviors around this task.  Here are some suggestions:  
     First, take time every day to slow down and listen to your thoughts, even if it’s just a few minutes.  A mindfulness meditation can be a wonderful way to do this.  This kind of meditation is just a listening exercise; it’s not clearing your mind of all thought, it’s simply slowing down and observing your mind and its thought patterns.  Try this for one minute.  No matter what happens, if you tried for one minute, you have succeeded.     
     Second, breathe with the use of your stomach.  This is called diaphragmatic breathing.  Let your belly go out when you inhale and move in when exhaling.  This will help to regulate your emotions and stimulate oxygen for your body as you address your negative thoughts.  It’s not always easy getting rid of a weed, so stay diligent and continue to reframe. 
     Third, write about it.  Buy a beautiful journal that will hold these difficult thoughts and feelings as you process through them.  Try writing using four columns…column one is the situation going on in your life, column two is the negative thought that you have observed, column three is the feeling you have when you think that thought, and column four is a more balanced positive thought to replace the negative weed.  Studies show that fine-tuning your awareness about your thoughts helps you see them more objectively.
     Fourth, weeds have a way of traveling from our neighbor’s yards to our own if we don’t take precautions and set up firm loving boundaries.  Distinguish between your weeds and your neighbor’s.  If a friend or family member is talking negatively, note how you feel before and after the conversation.  Do you feel very different?  No one can take our power without us giving them permission.  Hold your power and if you are feeling overwhelmed by your neighbor’s weeds, do what you can to take care of yourself.  This could mean taking a break from the friend/family member or letting them know how you feel in a loving way (i.e., “Hey, I’m feeling overwhelmed by this conversation, could we talk later?”).
     Fifth, be kind to yourself.  When we notice some of our thoughts, we might have a tendency to judge ourselves for the thoughts.  We must be compassionate and loving with ourselves.  Be kind, patient and accepting as you work on weeding your garden.  If you are not identified with the thought, it will be easy to throw away.
     Just like a garden that is overgrown, at first, it takes quite a bit of hard work to cultivate, which can be tiring.  Remember that once this initial work is done, it then takes brief daily maintenance to continue to have abundance.  The same is true for tending to your mind garden.  At first, it may be difficult and exhausting.  Take your time with the practice and try for just 1-3 minutes a day.  The results will show in your life.  After you begin to identify the weeds in your mind, pluck them and replace them with more positive, realistic thoughts about yourself, you’ll be on your way to growing what it is you want in your life.  It takes work to create abundance for ourselves, but as we grow stronger, we will relish in that daily work and what it can do for our state of mind, our happiness, our current and future relationships, as well as ourselves.

]]>Thu, 17 Mar 2016 18:50:14 GMThttp://blog.interpersonalhealing.com/blog/collective-self-compassion-meditation-this-sunday-10am-1010ammstEmbrace Self-Compassion!
Participate in A Collective Meditation This Sunday March 20th at 10am MST

This Sunday, whether you are home or out and about, take part in a Collective Compassion Meditation from 10am-10:10am MST.

Steps to Guide in Focusing on Self-Compassion during meditation:

1) Begin by finding a quiet place and taking a few deep breaths to calm and ground yourself in the moment.
2) Think about yourself as a small child.  Bring up a memory of a picture of you as a child smiling at the camera.
3)  Send waves of love and understanding to her/him and say something encouraging as you consider this smaller you.
4)  Imagine this small child self sitting next to you or walking with you wherever you are.  Love him/her and honor whatever he/she needs in this moment.  Listen to what this child might have to say to you.  Give this child love and understanding as they deserve.
5)  Sit with this child and calm him/her as well as yourself.  Slow down and breathe deeply focusing on your breath for 5 minutes.
6)  Finish your meditation by saying something positive and encouraging to yourself (and your little one).
7) Congratulate yourself for meditating and increasing your self-compassion.  As our self-compassion grows, our compassion for others also increases!

Be a part of this with us!   Meditating together at the same time brings about the energy of loving and caring individuals who want to create more compassion, love and peace in the world.  
 
Feel the compassion and patience you have within yourself grow as you practice this medication at the same time with many others around the world.

Please call Dr. Lisa if you have any questions:  drlisatempleton@yahoo.com
303-514-4058 
]]>Mon, 07 Mar 2016 19:40:13 GMThttp://blog.interpersonalhealing.com/blog/collective-meditation-on-embracing-self-compassion-sunday-march-20th-10am-1010am-mstCollective Meditation on Embracing Self-Compassion 
 Sunday, March 20th, 10am-10:10am MST

This month, we will practice a meditation sitting with our inner child.  Wherever you are during this time, imagine your inner child sitting next to you and you are giving her unconditional love.  

Take deep breaths and notice what this child is saying and/or needing.  Say loving and kind statements to this innocent child.    Notice the emotions that come up as you say positive statements to this child.  How does this make you feel?  Whatever you feel, that is perfect - don't judge it! 

Whatever you notice during the meditation is ok.  If you notice judgement - a bullying voice saying "this is stupid" or "this child is not me" - just remind the voice that this is a powerful exercise and can help bring more joy, love and compassion into your life.  Work with yourself as though you are the child, because in essence, you are!

Meditating together at the same time will bring about the energy of many loving and caring individuals who want to create more compassion, love and peace in the world.
Namaste!  The love and light in my little girl honors the love and light in your inner child...
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